I Died in E Minor

nothing has hurt me for five days
i'm fucked up, i'm fucked up
what happened, what happened to me?
our body bends into a worse body, a pigsty

i didn't know dreams were meant to be fulfilled
small flat, small me, nanny and mania
nanny Basia, mania Christ — sentences,
saying: from drinking the face swells, the head goes mute
there's two of us, three, five, together eight
every bro, every guy, every dude
let's spit on the synagogue, and on the church
or at least flick a cigarette at the church
stoned faces, two, three, together four
marching, offi— no, the city's mayors
four, Tom and Jerry, Mary Jane and Spitfires
bravo, bravo, bravo, I'm happy, very

pass a Heet, pass a blue one (a Camel Blue, author's note)
paradise on this planet exists because the high exists
and if it didn't, there's always "gimme"
and when I hear "gimme", I give, because it's May Day¹

i'm fucked up

the computer hums again and muffles my heart
something something, insert verse about the ex
someone walks in, something something: she cheats and she wants it
to want and to have — rap's tragicomedy rages
nobody here roots for Garbarnia², why bother
at night the feet sweat, full throttle, like i'm riding a carriage
as i was saying, i got a little fucked up
because it was scared, after makala and macao and still you want more
if you want, my friend's standing right there, he'll have to choke you
or maybe, maybe let's drive to the sea, it's so fucking tempting
that my friend would choke you on the pier in Sopot, and that's that
and i'd record a track about it, number two, the Polish anthem after the Rota³

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jesus how i love your legs
jesus how i love your hands
jesus how i love your Vogues (the cigarettes, author's note)
jesus how i love your scents

we won't ever give up smokes, we won't ever pay our debts
i won't call her back, we won't end the benders out of boredom
i won't be a saviour of peoples, i won't perform miracles
i can only murder a few nihilistic grumblers

why would you call her — the kitten says to me
the kitten is 20, far from your ultra-patriotic kind
she mumbles something — first hurdle, false start of discos
she says to me come on, how many polyglots does this city have

what the fuck do you know about life
"i know a little"

for you i'd kill the president of your choosing
pick it babe, keep it babe, i'm a new colour
break out of mordor, you're number one
you're number one in line at my ER
your heart beats slower than usual, i apologised for the roar
consensual anger, consensually i dropped something
you're my little miss leisure, let's develop the film
i can treat you to a litre of sperm, just like i write

i like you the way you are
how jazz inspires you
how lilacs irritate you

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so let's move to deeds where there are no more rhymes
how i long for the smokes, the pilgrims, and those regimes
a coup d'état is one thing, a hit off a giant
is the other, after which there are no excuses, and the kitten's plotting something
her ex by trade detonates handmade bombs
her second ex sanctions paths, roads, and motorways
the fourth dissociates, the third rations

i'll define woman how i like
i'll define woman how i like
like any rapper
i'll define woman how i like
like any sapper
i'll define woman how i like
like any vaper
i'll define woman how i like
like any highlander from the Tatras

did you watch Scent of a Woman or Little Women
i'd kill myself for the taste of a double shot at the hundred-seat theatre
at the People's Theatre, or whichever one's full of gear
i dream that ambulances would come after every date

ambulances — the machines of the good writer i met at the bar
who defines women through their men's punishment
"i'll give you a child as a gift" — i heard sitting next to a certain couple
the barman got paid, the cook stirs the pot, and i'm still dreaming

i dream that one day we'd stage a coup in the Sejm
i ask impolitely if she'll sign up and take her knickers off
i tell her gimme, let's do it and hold me
because i'll weep for Poland in vain