Two O'Clock on Your Cartier
I require a little empiricism, physical sensations, chemical cravings. Touch me then, make use of me; it has already struck one upon your Cartier1.
And though I do not condone your senses, I dream at night of uniforms and Richard Wagner2. Surpass me, overtake me. APR at five percent; keep your guard high.
These dreams we have of New York, of rivers of tears, luxurious poverty, of standing in traffic with a broken zip. Massimo Dutti3, Autumn collection, 1998.
One need not be athletic to remain composed, to maintain an appealing stomach and strong bones, to hold me, to grasp this face bending again from alcohol, from an excess of certainty and joy.
I crave your glance on the city tram, to lie again on handrails, to slip once more into mania. Take hold of me, produce your wallet; it has struck two upon your Cartier.
These dreams we share of Manhattan, of the thing consuming you inside, that constant thought, standing in the Underground, forgetting what is corporeal. Hugo Boss4 from Modlniczka5, collection 2019.
I must whisper something, sincerely, in your ear: you remain for me a memory, ornamental jewellery. Though you speak beautifully, and telephone nightly in my dreams, I bid farewell, a voiceless adieu.
Night after night I dream of you attending plays, children's theatre, stamping your foot ironically, complaining again that you have no coins for an obwarzanek6, not even a pound—yet you still consider me generous.
My friends, persistent barrel organs, chatter of controversies surrounding dark stockings, of flats and Viennese coffee, bowls filled with boiled sweets. Oh, these Polish vitamins—boys and girls.
Again, I find myself beneath your heel, centimetre-high heels, fashionable shoes from Germany. For wreath festivals, I shall weave you a garland; from thorns, fence our property.
In an ageing house on Salwator7, shaded in autumn, I will grow old beside you, fading into white. One day, forgetting who I am, I'll charm you with some small gesture.
My heart beats urgently, seeking salvation, knowing I wished destruction in that battle. Eight hours behind, eight hours ahead; I was the one who sought divorce.
Thus, release me, a bird stripped of wings, a cat without whiskers, a rat without a tail. I'll shave in silence, walk the dog beside Rudawa, and by some miracle encounter my mother again.
1 Cartier: French luxury goods conglomerate, particularly known for watches and jewelry. Founded 1847. Owning a Cartier watch signals wealth, taste, class—time itself becomes a luxury good. "It has struck two upon your Cartier" turns clock-watching into class performance.
2 Richard Wagner: German composer (1813-1883) known for epic operas and association with German nationalism. His music: grandiose, Romantic, overwhelming. Dreaming of uniforms and Wagner suggests fantasies of order, power, aesthetic totalitarianism.
3 Massimo Dutti: Spanish clothing retailer, part of Inditex group (which owns Zara). Positioned as more upscale than Zara—aspirational middle-class fashion. The specificity of "Autumn collection, 1998" turns nostalgia into brand identity.
4 Hugo Boss: German luxury fashion house. Founded 1924, notoriously produced Nazi uniforms in WWII. Now: sleek suits, corporate masculinity, expensive basics. Fashion with a compromised history.
5 Modlniczka: Suburban area north of Kraków, known for outlet shopping centers. Buying Hugo Boss "from Modlniczka" means outlet mall discount luxury—aspirational consumption at accessible prices.
6 Obwarzanek: Traditional Kraków ring-shaped bread, similar to a bagel but thinner and crispier. Sold by street vendors. Cheap, local, authentic—the opposite of Cartier watches and designer fashion.
7 Salwator: Historic district in western Kraków, at the foot of Kościuszko Mound. Quiet, residential, with old houses and narrow streets. A place to grow old, to fade into white.